With apologies to Clement Clark Moore...
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
Not a keyboard was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the router with care,
In hopes that St. Nickolas soon would be there.
The folders were closed, the hard drive was stopped
While edits of grammar elves kerplunked and kerplopped.
Now Margy in jammies and I in my robe
We'd just snuggled in, away from the cold.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
Away to my desk I flew like a flash
Tore open the drawers, pen ready to dash
When out my big window, I finally look
I held in my hand a hardcover book
And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear
But a shiny red sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
The man held the reigns, not lively not quick
I knew without doubt, he'd kidnapped St. Nick.
The reindeer they whinnied and pawed the new snow
You'd have to see it, to imagine the row.
More rapid than eagles, I ran to his aid
To save the ole elf, and the cookies we made.
I reached for their bells, the poor little beasts,
The kidnapper eyed them like some fancy elk feast.
Now Dasher, Now Dancer, Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid, On Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
A loop-de-loop do, Away with you all!
And faster than you can imagine my dear,
The sleigh it turned over, he fell on his rear.
I grabbed the brown bag and opened the tie,
There he was! "Ho Santa Ho!" I shouted my cry.
And then in a twinkling he gave me a smile,
I'm sure you could see it for many a mile.
A hearty ho ho and he puffed on his pipe,
That tobaccy I tell you was awfully ripe!
The kidnapper sat up, all covered with snow
Santa I tell you just laughed ho ho ho.
He reached in the bag and pulled out some coal,
And tossed to him, that naughty old soul.
Turning to me, I was awestruck I swear,
Not something that happens, too often I dare.
With a grin and a nod and voice like the wind
He patted my back. "Merry Christmas My Friend!"
And then in twinkling, he was up on the roof,
The reindeer were prancing and pawing with hoof
He jumped in the sleigh and with one final shout,
The sleigh and old Santa, eight reindeer flew out.
And there in the east, a bright star did shine,
It gladdened my heart and I knew it was time
To get back to work, to write some more words
It was surely no time, to be watching the birds.
And so to my friends, who in disbelief laugh
At this old cranky writer who's written this gaf.
To All I wish, to all this glad night,
A Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a Good Night!
God Bless Us Everyone.